I'm Holding On
by Nancy Twilight Heart
Summary: Set in season 6 after Alex comes back from his honeymoon with Fiona. Stevie is still in love with Alex but when Alex kisses her while sleepwalking, all the effort Stevie made to block out her love for him is ruined. Stevie/Alex and could have some others
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I WISH I OWNED MCLEODS DAUGHTERS BUT I DO NOT OWNITS CHARACTERS, ITS STORY OR ANYTHING THAT HAS GOT TO DO WITH MCLEODS DAUGHTERS. I AM JUST A FAN WANTING TO WRITE AND TOO LAZY TO THINK OF HER OWN CHARACTERS AND ACTUALLY WANTING TO POST IT ONTO THE INTERNET AND HAVE PEOPLE READ IT SO YEAH….

ENJOY

I woke up to a knock one morning at two am. As I stumbled down the stairs, the knock got louder and harder.

"I'M COMING! JESUS," I screamed. This better be worth getting up and two in the morning.

"Just open the door cowgirl! I've got something to do," I recognised Alex's voice coming from the other side of the door. What was Alex doing up so early in the morning? It was four days after he arrived home from his honeymoon with Fiona. I don't know why Alex loves her. She has him wrapped around her little finger and has made him believe that she is pregnant when she is not. As I got closer to the door, I heard Alex mumbling. It was too low for me to make out what he was saying. I opened the door and before I could say anything, I felt his lips crushing mine. I was shocked and my eyes were wide open. What was he doing?

Slowly I closed my eyes and put my arms around his neck. He put his hands around my waist and I was passionately kissing him back. Even though I knew this was wrong, I was still madly in love with him and at this moment, didn't care if he was married or not. Then our kiss ended. I looked into his blue eyes shocked, expecting him to realise what he had done and then try to explain but his arms were still wrapped tightly around my waist. I didn't move my arms and we just stood there; the moonlight hitting us and the sound of nature buzzing around us.

"I love you Stevie Hall. I really love you," Alex said in a sweet and loving voice. Almost convincing but I watch the way he looks at Fiona, I watch them together everyday and there is no way he loves me. Alex started mumbling again and released me from his arms. He walked past me, into the house. He stumbled and started talking to himself.

"Alex? Have your been drinking?" he didn't reply. I waved my hands in his face but he just kept on walking. I heard someone coming down the stairs. I turned to look at Jodi. Her golden blonde hair was in a mess and she was rubbing her eyes. It took me some time to remember why Jodi was sleeping in the house, not the shearer's quarters. After five days of non stop, heavy rain, the quarters were flooded leaving Kate and Jodi no option but to move into the house. As long as the best friends where together, they where happy.

"What is Alex doing here?" she asked coming closer to me.

"I think he has been drinking. He has been acting a bit weird," I turned to look at her. She looked puzzled, like I had just told her all the sheep in the south paddock had died for no reason.

"You wouldn't expect him to do that unless something was on his mind. Epically now that he is happily married to Fiona,"

"I HAVEN'T BEEN DRINKING THANKYOU VERY MUCH!! I JUST HAD TO COME AND SHOW STEVIE…" I cut him off before he said anything else about the last five minutes.  
"Alex, come on. We will get you home," I said walking over to him and dragging him by the arm.

"No Stevie," He said. "I want to stay here please,"

"Sleepwalking," Jodi said. I turned to look at her. I was starting to feel worried about Alex and if he was sleepwalking, what would happen in the morning? Would he think the kiss was all a dream or would he think it felt too real to be a dream? When we had our first kiss two years ago on the day before Tess and Nick's wedding, I felt awkward and didn't want to talk about it straight away. That kiss was the start of our friendship so I can't really regret it but I have loved him ever since. Even though at the beginning I didn't really show it, I knew that I did love him a bit more than a friend. Then I started having dreams that I was making out with him and when I finally try to tell him how I feel, he runs away to the city and comes back with 'City Princess and Faker Fiona' as his fiancé after knowing each other for five days. Not the smartest move ever but then again, we are talking about Alex here.

"What? If he is not drunk, he is sleepwalking," Jodi said. She had a point but than again, Alex was denying that he had been drinking which is a sign of drunkenness. I turned to Alex and started smelling him. He didn't smell anything of alcohol. He smelt like he had just had a shower before bed.

"Sleepwalking," I agreed with Jodi.

"Good luck and goodnight," She said laughing and walking back up stairs.

"C'mon, let's get you into the spare room and hope Fiona doesn't wake up during the night," We walked upstairs, still holding hands and Alex still mumbling to himself. I opened the door to the spare room and put him in the bed.

"Now get some sleep," I said walking out the door.

"Stevie," Alex called after me. I turned around and walked but into the room.

"Yes?"

"I love you," I shook my head and sighed. I walked back into my room and crashed on my bed. The spare room was right next to my room and in minutes I heard snoring coming from next door.

The next morning, I woke to Alex's sat phone going off.

"Hello, Alex Ryan," "Fi, clam down, I'm at Drovers," Fiona was the panicky type. I lay there listening to them and trying to forget about the night's event. Alex sounded like he knew what had happened to him; sounded like he knew exactly what happened last night.

"I'll be home soon. Love you," Alex hung up the phone and walked out of his bedroom. I got up and met him in the corridor.

"You don't sound the least bit confused about why you're here, what happened last night..." he laughed.

"What? You girls kidnap me or something?"

"Maybe," I said, biting my bottom lip to hide my smile.

"No, I have been doing it a lot since I got back from Argentina. I actually went to Riley's room and ask him for a jar of pickles. Well that's according to him," he said as we walked to the kitchen. "It's got to have something to do with the jetlag,"

"Well Mr Ryan, I think you have achieved a personal best. You walked here, not know what you are doing. How do you feel?"

"Sore, very sore,"

Kate was cooking breakfast in the kitchen.

"My famous Manfradi bacon and eggs," She said putting a lock of her brown hair behind her ear.

"Thanks Kate," Alex said. Kate smiled. I was surprised that Kate wasn't asking questions. Hopefully she wasn't jumping to her own conclusions but then it hit me that Jodi would have filled her in this morning.

After breakfast I drove Alex back to Killarney in my red Ute. Fiona was waiting outside their house. She was still in her pajamas with her black hair let loose and waving with the wind.

"Alex! Please don't do that to me again!" she said running up to him. She leaped into his arms and the two of them started spinning around in circles. I just stood there and watched as he put her down and they kissed.

"Um…Alex I'm going to go so I'll talk to you soon," I said getting back into my Ute. "Oh and tell Riley that he need him when he's free,"

"Sure, thanks again," I turned on the engine and drove back home.


	2. Start of the lies

"Jodi, I don't know. We have lots to do day, we're going to need everyone here," I said unloading my Ute of the wire. "We have the troughs to clean, the fence in Skinny Jims needs fixing, we need to pick up some organic feed and that's just the morning,"

"C'mon Stevie, the Gungellan Ball is tomorrow and I want to look good! Can't I just have four hours? That's all I need, hair and nails AND I can pick up the organic feed,"

"Jodi, what are you talking about? You're going to ruin your hair and nails when you get back anyway," Jodi cursed herself after realising what she was saying didn't make sense.

"Listen, if you work hard today and finish ahead schedule, I'll give you the rest of the day off and you can go into town," we started walking over to the shed with the wires.

"You have to come too," she said. I froze. I didn't actually think about going. "Stevie you are going,"

"I know, I know I just…"

"You're coming with me," She said. "Okay, I'm going to go into town anyway now so I can pick up the feed," she said walking over to her car. As I watched Jodi leave, I saw Alex's black Ute coming up the driveway. I suddenly felt sick, like I wanted to through up. My stomach turned as he got out of his Ute.

"Stevie mate!" he said walking towards me. My heart started thumping hard and furious. I shook my head and started walking to saddle up _Banjo_.

"Alex," I said greeting him with my back turned to him.

"Stevie, are you okay?" he asked. I stoped and turned to look at him.

"You need anything?" I asked. "I'm busy,"

"Yeah, yeah keep your boots on. I just came 'round to tell you that Riley won't be able to help you with Lightening today. We need him at Killarney," my mouth hung open. If Riley couldn't come today we were stuffed.

"Alex, we need to work on this horse today or.."

"Who's horse?" he asked._ Like it makes a difference._

"Phil's horse. We need to have him ready by tomorrow or we're stuffed. Didn't Riley tell you? He should no and why did you come all the way from Killarney to Drovers to do something that you could do over the phone?" I said frustrated. I felt like I stoped breathing. Riley knows we have a dead line, why didn't he tell Alex that? Alex tried to hide his smile but couldn't. He burst out laughing instead. It was a joke.

"You stupid bastard. You gave me a heart attack," I said taking a huge breath. Alex was still laughing. "You should have seen your face Stevie," he said. "It was priceless," I turned around and started saddling up _Banjo_.

"Okay Alex, why did you come here? Seriously I need to get back to work," I said hopping up on my chocolate brown horse.

" I just need to talk to you about what happened last night. You know, the whole sleep walkin' thing," he said. I looked at him. _Did he remember kissing me? Would he know that I kissed him back? _"I need you to tell me what exactly happened last night," Alex said. I dismounted my horse, thinking about whether I should tell him the truth or lie. Alex was my best mate. I wasn't going to put him in an uncomfortable position.

"You knocked on my door impatiently, walked into the house like you where drunk and then didn't want to go back home. That was about it," I left out the whole kissing thing. I wasn't going to tell him anything until I was sure he felt the same way. But he wouldn't anyway. He still thinks that Fiona is pregnant with his child. Of course he wouldn't divorce her for me.

"Is that all? Nothing else happened?" he asked. I looked into his eyes. We were silent for a moment then I spoke.

"No, nothing at all," he looked at me and then nodded. "What did you think happened?" I asked.  
"Nothing just maybe I ate something or drunk something. I just don't feel myself today," he said.

"Of course you're not feeling yourself. You walked all the way from Killarney to Drovers. You probably got up at twelve or maybe even earlier to get here at two and you probably fell a lot as well. You should be home resting and trying to figure out what is making you wake up," I said. "Go!" I ordered him. We stared at each other for a moment and then he shook his head.

"Okay I'm going home," he said walking to his car.

"ALEX! AT LEAST AN HOURS REST IF YOU DON'T WANT TO STAY HOME ALL DAY," I yelled after him.  
"Yeah, yeah," he said turning on the engine and driving off. As I mounted my horse I started to wonder we Alex came all the way over here to ask me that. Like I said to him before, he could have just called. Maybe he was expecting me to tell him something different. Maybe he slightly remembers a bit of last nights events and wanted to see if I would admit to that. Then obviously from there we would have to work out what to do, try and forget it and I'll probably end up telling him that Fiona is not pregnant. Then comes the fighting and the end of a marriage and friendship which would be my entire fault.

"C'mon Banjo," I said riding off the meet Kate and Regan at Skinny Jims. I felt wonderful having the cool, crisp air hitting my face and going though my hair. It was something that I needed at the moment. Regan and Kate were already getting ready to head over to the troughs. I was confused. I would have expected them to take much longer on the fence.

"You finished already?" I asked.

"Yeah," Regan said. Regan was Tess' cousin. He had reddish brown, short hair and was a bit taller than me. I went over to inspect the fence. Hopefully they did a good job, not just a fast one. The fence looked perfect and stable.

"What's the rush?" I asked.

"We were hoping that if we got everything done quicker today, we could head into town and get ready for the ball tomorrow," said Kate ._Of course, the ball! _I thought.

"Let me guess, you and Patrick are going together," I said to Kate. "And you and Dave are going together," I said looking at Regan.  
"Of course Stevie, they are our boyfriends," Kate said.  
"What about Jodi? Is she going by herself? Because it would be great if we could go 'dateless' together; no chance in finding a date before tomorrow," I said.

"At the moment, yes she is dateless but we are trying to get her to ask Riley to the ball or get Riley to ask her," Regan said smiling. Kate and Regan hi-fived and started laughing.

"I don't really care. I always go on my own anyway," I said walking back to banjo. "The troughs need cleaning in the south paddock.." Kate cut me off.

"Stevie, its all under control. Please," she said. I nodded and road back to the house. I was always the one to roll on my own and it didn't bother me. Alex well, I had to get over him soon. I had my chance to do what I wanted to do and I didn't take it. That's what I get and its too late now.


End file.
